Since Emerson turned one two weeks ago, my Timehop has been flooded with pictures of her first days. There have been so many emotions but one of them I have to admit to having is a feeling of regret.
Regret during the first few weeks of your child’s life? Before you think I’m awful, hear me out.
I love seeing those pictures of my sweet second born and it melts my heart to watch how her adoring big sister loved on her those first days (and continues to do so). But I clicked back to look through the first two months of her life and one thing was apparent – I wanted nothing to do with ME being a part of the pictures.
Here we had this beautiful new blessing and I didn’t want to be photographed with her. This picture is one of FOUR I could find with both of us in it from her 2nd day of life to November 2nd.
Why November 2nd? It’s when I found something for me. I found a fitness program and nutrition plan that set ME towards my goals.
I had given so much to our girls as there were two under two, that I had neglected myself. I had forgotten about Hilary. About my desires. About my goals. About my needs. About me as a person.
It’s not an ego thing, though. It’s a confidence thing. I was embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted and disappointed. For goodness sakes, I had just had a baby!
Society tells us we don’t lose the weight fast enough after having a baby. They say we can get that “pre-baby body” back quickly by starving our already exhausted bodies and pushing them to the max in the gym for hours a day.
That pre-baby body? It’s not happening. It can’t happen! Things shifted and twisted and it just can’t be the same. But that won’t stop me from being MORE comfortable, confident and proud of myself in my new body. The one that birthed two beautiful baby girls.
Forget what society says. It may take a little time, but if you do it the RIGHT way, it won’t just be a fad and you will grow to love and appreciate your (post-baby) body now more than ever.
Grab your phone, hand it to someone else and get in FRONT of the screen instead of behind it for once. Two months, two years, or twenty years from now, you’ll be grateful you have those memories.